Daily Archives: 2005-07-13

Growing Up

Lately, I’ve been going through a sort of depression/crisis of faith/growth phase where my emotional state has been rather turbulent. What it really seems to come down to is trying to find my middle ground… because I am intelligent and old enough to realize that the world is not such a happy place. Rather, the world is a scary place where terrible things happen, things that are hard to even fathom. And I mean, it’s not like this is news to me, but I had been trying on a rather optimistic outlook and it seemed hard to maintain a smile amidst all the corruption, violence, and malice in the world. The biggest thing for me is trying to comprehend how there can be so much evil in the world… when it seems to me that it’s so much easier for people to be good to one another. And the reality of it is… there’s not a “force of darkness” to be fought, because the capacity for evil lies in every person. The force of evil is a collective force of many individuals, and it seems to be an endless cycle that good can never really come out on top in– good can only serve to balance the evil. I guess my biggest source of confusion now is to find the beauty in that balance– the give and take– the yin and the yang– that still allows the planet to sustain life. One thought I keep coming back to is this– the opposite of life is not death, for life has no opposite. The opposite of death is birth. So that leaves life to be… what? I guess life encompasses the whole of those two opposites.

I am in a very philosophical mood these days. I am dissecting the world and trying to put back the pieces to form my own conception of all that there is. Wish me luck, and let’s hope the journey doesn’t drive me past the point of maintainable insanity.