So, even as I made my proclamation to swear off dating, I knew it was somewhat of a flawed statement, but I needed to make it at the time. I have recently allowed myself to begin dating again, and I am now officially retracting my statement claiming that I would no longer date. I can now see how ludicrous it was to say that, but I’d been through a terrible run of bad luck with guys (boys?!) at the time, and I was just fed up. However, I’ve never really been one to just utterly give up, which is why, even as I made the statement, I knew that it was more of a momentary reaction than, say, a true and lasting declaration of celibacy.
That being said, I am learning more and more about this fun and awful world of dating. Each turn I take on the wild ride of dating has taught me something, so I guess that’s all I can really ask… to learn from these flawed experiments that I’ve called “dates.” Ha. And I shall continue to learn and make mistakes because once we close ourselves off from the possibility of learning, we settle for the comfort and monotony of the known. My thirst for knowledge will not succumb to the whims of my emotions, no matter how many tears and lashings my heart must endure. I always come back to this one quote by C.S. Lewis, so if you’ve known me for some period of time, you’ve probably seen this before, but it is a gem. If you haven’t known me for long (or perhaps do not even know me at all), then I am overjoyed that I can share this wonderful quote with you, just as it was shared with me by someone in my past who was near and dear to my heart. It helps me to come back out of my shell time and time again:
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket –safe, dark, motionless, airless– it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.