Okay, so I just got an annoying call. Earlier in the year, I received a call from “Friends of John Kerry” asking me to support his “Kids First Act” initiative. Money was tight, but I was coerced into pledging $30, which I paid even though I didn’t have the money to spend. And that’s all well and good, even though $30 can mean the difference between me eating or not eating one week. It was a good deed.
Just a few minutes ago, I received another call from “Friends of John Kerry” letting me know how much my contribution had helped. Then they asked for my permission to put my name on a petition to investigate Karl Rove. I said, sure, thinking to myself, “Karl Rove is Satan, so there should be more pressure to reveal his vacant black hole of a heart.” Then, of course, comes the money pitch. Here’s a recap:
Friends of John Kerry Representative: “Great, thanks for your support. Now, we could use your support in helping to fund these initiatives. Can we count on you for a donation of $100?
Lauren: “Um, no. Sorry, but I don’t have that much extra money laying around.”
Friends of John Kerry Representative: “Oh, yes, ma’am I understand. I’m sure we can find an amount that fits into your budget… blah, blah, blah…
Lauren, interrupting the persistent Rep: “No, you don’t understand. I don’t have any extra money. I don’t even have enough money to make ends meet. Sorry. (dial tone)”
Now I am all fired up because here I am, mid-20’s, still figuring out how to budget and all… and I did a good deed by donating some money to help kids out. But here comes the eternal lesson… “No good deed goes unpunished.” Ain’t that the truth. Fucking vampires, all of ’em! Oh well, I guess that will teach me not to donate money to politicians again. Nice lesson, “Friends of John Kerry,” you’ve made a believer out of me… people are going to take what they can… and if you give once, the bloodsuckers mark you as a target and come chasing after you the next time their pockets get low. And they seem to seek out prescisely the wrong people for donating. I told the fuckers last time that I couldn’t donate, but they coerced me into the original $30. Not this time. In the words of Stewie, “Don’t cha be bringin’ dat trash in here. This is MY HOUSE!” Bunch of filthy swine!