Monthly Archives: September 2013

Fascinating bidness.

Day Jobs of Famous Writers

(Informal) Application for Scholarship to Meditation Retreat

I applied for scholarship for the Toy/Hawkins retreat because I’m currently on long-term disability (LTD) leave from work due to ongoing struggles with mental health conditions, which I have been on for over a year. Prior to transitioning to LTD, I was on and off short-term disability leave. Thus, my income has been cut down 50-67% for the past couple years, and my medical expenses have been significant. Furthermore, I no longer have health insurance (as of May 2013), so my considerable medical bills are now all coming out of pocket. That being said, I have doctor-approval to begin engaging in vocational counseling and other actives to aid me in transitioning back into the work force.
I am more than willing to work in trade to assist in offsetting the cost of my room/board for the retreat. I can arrive early/stay late if needed.
Now, I chose this retreat in particular because Judith Toy led my first-ever retreat at Southern Dharma with her late husband Philip back in 2008. That came near the beginning of the struggles that I’ve had to face and overcome the past several years, and Judith’s 1-1 dharma talk set the wheels in motion in terms of my facing and dealing with the unhealthy relationships and substance abuse issues that plagued my life.  I feel strongly compelled to return to Southern Dharma to share my gratitude with Judith and continue to move in the right direction in my own recovery. Southern Dharma & Judith Toy are huge in the overall picture of my life and my return to peace.
At this time, my funds are extremely limited. However, I feel it’s prudent for me to try and cover 50-67% of the fee, since this is commensurate with the change in my income as compared to previous years.
Thank you for your consideration.
Lauren Order Update (Reflektor)


We have good news! One of your pre-ordered items is now eligible for release date delivery and has been upgraded at no additional charge. Your new delivery estimate is:

Arcade Fire “Reflektor”
Estimated arrival date: October 29, 2013

Please visit Your Account ( for the most up-to-date delivery information about this order. If there are other items in your order, they’ll be shipped according to the delivery estimates listed in the order details in Your Account at no additional cost.


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These Kids are Phenomenal.

Dreaming of you…

Fender American Deluxe Stratocaster in Tungsten/Rosewood fingerboard

Tungsten Fender American Deluxe Strat

The Science of Stress, Orgasm and Creativity: How the Brain and the Vagina Conspire in Consciousness

“To understand the vagina properly is to realize that it is not only coextensive with the female brain, but is also, essentially, part of the female soul.”

Desperate and Ravenous

Little angel, go away…
Come again some other day…
Devil has my ear today…
I’ll never hear a word you say…
He Promised I would find a little solace
and some peace of mind…
Whatever. just as long as I don’t feel so
desperate and ravenous.

excerpted from Weak and Powerless off the album Thirteenth Step by A Perfect Circle


Heavy Heart

I anticipated that I’d likely be hit by an emotional train as I face my shit and work through all the ghosts of the past that I otherwise tried to simply ignore. At least that’s how I’m making sense for myself why I’m all over the place emotionally.

It’s not easy being one’s own therapist, but I’m the only person willing to do the work and capable of doing the job. I couldn’t pay anyone enough money to take on the fucking enigma that is me without them throwing up their hands in defeat.

I could have done that; I contemplated it. But it fundamentally comes down to either taking my life or taking my case. I guess we’re all ultimately faced with that decision.