I dunno if this is isolated to Atlanta, but, hey, it’s where I reside and (unfortunately) drive…
Okay, well first I guess I’m assuming that people actually READ the signs on the road. Which, in this case, I dunno, but it seems like they do because of their behaviour. So why is it that some drivers seem to understand the bright orange construction sign that says “LANE CLOSED MERGE LEFT” as “SPEED UP IN THIS EMPTY LANE AND CUT EVERYONE OFF BEFORE YOU HIT THE HUGE BARRELS”? I mean, come on, people, you have to see the huge line of cars queued up in the left-hand lane, right? Again, I think maybe I just expect too damned much. Apparently so. I only wish I had a truck… and the balls… to do what this one dude– my HERO– did yesterday… sit in the middle of both lanes and block the self-centered pigs from doing their dirty little dance all over the faces of their fellow citizens.
I really wish I had a helicopter. Damnit.
It’s taken me a long time–and considerable effort– to come to terms with Atlanta traffic and drivers.
My experiences yesterday and today have seemingly obliterated all the coping skills I’d acquired for dealing with this city’s signature assholes. You know who you are. And fuck you. You are not special. You don’t need to be such pricks. But you are. And I loathe your existence.
I nearly reached my breaking point when I commuted to and from lunch today. The first thing was when I was trying to park at Taqueria Sundown, which can be a total nightmare. When I arrived, there were no open spots, so I was sitting in the lot waiting patiently for someone to leave. Lo and behold, two people came out and started towards their car. In the time I’d been waiting, two additional cars had backed up behind me, also waiting for a spot. Well, Mr. Dickhead who’d arrived after me decided that, first-come, first-serve be damned. Yes, folks, he stole my goddamned parking spot. I took a deep breath, pulled away so I didn’t ram my car on top of his, and I drove around until I eventually found an open spot.
The second incident occurred when I was waiting on Peachtree Road to turn left into my office. As is typical, another car pulled up behind me to turn in as well. When there’s finally an opening in the traffic for me to turn, the fucking whore behind me decides that she doesn’t have to wait for me to turn first. She fucking cuts me off and turns, leaving me completely fucked… and utterly pissed.
If I had seen her car in the parking deck, I was fully prepared to key it. I’ve never done such a thing, nor have I ever been so inspired to do so. More and more I realize that people are completely self-involved, and most people can’t be bothered to even consider the fact that other people exist and have emotions. I can actually understand now what fuels people to open fire on other drivers. If I had a gun, I wouldn’t necessarily shoot a person. Nah, I’d be fucking taking out tires left and right.
So, all you Atlanta assholes (not everyone, but a large percentage), fuck you! Pull your head out of your ass and just be fucking civil. I never realized that simple request was so much to ask.