You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.” —Iyanla Vanzant
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.”
I’m grateful for 81 days of continuous sobriety. I’m grateful that it’s been 112 days since I last took an antidepressant or mood stabiliser AND that my depression has finally lifted. More than anything, right now I’m grateful for the wonderful challenges and amazing difficulties that I’ve been through and am presently in the midst of navigating. It may sound strange to be thankful for hard times, and I was a bit surprised when the words, “thank you for my difficulties” came across my tongue in prayer last week, but I’m grateful for this gratitude.
It’s through these difficulties that I grow. It’s the financial challenges that I’m struggling with right now that humble me and force me to reach out and say, “I need help.” Even in the middle of the storm, even with everything seemingly falling apart all around me, I’ve remained centred. That’s all faith. That’s all God. That’s all a Power greater than myself. Through this and my connection with my Higher Power, I’ve found stores of strength and grace that I never thought myself possible of wielding. I’ve encountered this gorgeous warrior of a woman — and she’s me! I’m not just becoming great; I am great… provided that I stay deeply connected to the Power that fuels me.
I’m grateful for the Hell I’ve endured. I’m open to the lessons I’ve yet to learn. I’m on fire and excited about life. Let’s get to it!
I love therapy to this day: pay somebody just to not run screaming from the room. This is the best! And I can talk about anything I want. I’m not making fun. I love therapy, and I’m grateful I had it, but it didn’t stop me from drinking, guys. Therapy won’t stop you from drinking if you’re the real McCoy, the ‘genetically predisposed alcoholic.’ Bill Wilson uses that term, not Chris Raymer. Bill Wilson says, ‘But what about the real alcoholic?’ Introduce yourself from the podium like that sometime and watch them line up after to take inventory. ‘What do you mean? You think you’re special?’ ‘Probably.’”
—Chris R., from his Oct. 24, 2013 talk at We Are Not A Glum Lot Big Book Study in Dunwoody, GA
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone— even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame.”
You’ve gotta be able to find the humour in even your most embarrassingly, stupendously erratic past behaviours and mistakes. For one, it’s cathartic. Even better, it takes the sting out of the lashings that come from the dastardly evil inner critic. I dunno about you, but (one of) my inner voice(s) can be a real cunt.
Oh, and it’s deeply rewarding if you’re able to recover gracefully and laugh even louder than all the assholes out there who will call you out on even the most mundane bullshit and the miserable fucks who are constantly willing to take your inventory whilst never checking themselves.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.
D R I P drop Let it all fall out. I cry the tears for a thousand yesterdays. I weep for Moments Left Bleak W O R D S still unsaid Life --relinquished to the past-- yet never actually Lived. I’d sooner lose ALL inhibition and pride and forbearance. I’d cry the tears and love the pain Because it F E E L S better to ache, to seethe in misery, than to flatline thru to peril. Lauren Rich 08.29.2013