Tag Archives: snafu

The Speed Technology Permits Still Eludes Many…


Dear Lauren,

Your order placed on our website chopwizard.com
has shipped from our warehouse on: 08/22/2006.

Order Number: 12****76
Order Date: 8/1/2006 2:54:36 PM

Your order was shipped via US Mail and there is no tracking service provided. Please allow 7-10 mailing days for delivery. If you need assistance we ask that you please contact our Fulfillment Warehouse at 800-554-****.
Thank you for the opportunity to serve you.

Yes. I ordered something that I saw on an infomercial, and, yes, it’s totally sweet. So there. I saw the infomercial at my parents house before leaving for Lexington to visit my relatives. Lo and behold, my cousin happened to have a similar, older version of the same chopper I’d seen on TV, and I was amazed at the ease with which she was able to create perfectly diced tomatoes, cucumbers, and the like.

I just don’t understand why, given that I placed the order ONLINE, it took so incredibly long to ship. What, do small gnomes have to assemble each chop wizard? Scary. Gnomes. They must’ve eaten the tracking numbers, too.

I wonder why I was surprised…

So, guess what? Here I was, not wanting to date anyone at all… happy being my single self and trying to figure out who I am, what I want, and where I want to go in life. Lo and behold, I meet a fetching British man. We exchange emails and go out to lunch, where we have great conversation. He even asks me out again– this time to go see Star Wars. He walks me to my car, gives me a kiss and a hug. I am smitten– what girl wouldn’t be?

Of course, it was all a bit too much. I emailed him this morning to ask about the movie, and I get a lovely email response this afternoon that includes this oh-so-important piece of information:

I have a problem, I have a wife and two kids back in the UK and regardless of the relationship I don’t think its fair to drag you into the situation (you don’t need the hassle) you’re young free and single and the last thing you want is to get involved with a married man. I know I should have mentioned this before… I’m kind of surprised it never came up but before this goes any further you need to know.
I’m sorry to be the one to spoil your day but you need to know sooner rather than later… Once again sorry.

So there ya go. Guys are shit. Here’s my response to his email:

Wow. Well, I guess better late than never, but I don’t really understand why you pursued me in the first place. You are married. You have kids. That is just wrong on so many levels– to me, to your wife, and to your kids. How insensitive. You’re surprised it never came up? That’s bullshit. It never came up because YOU never brought it up. It’s one thing to not tell me in the first place, but then to go and say something like that makes it even worse. I mean, you decided to come clean with me, but then you can’t even take responsibility for not telling me in the first place. That’s manipulative and deceitful, and I don’t want any part of it.